Recovering from the Loss of a Parent by Katherine Fair Donnelly

Author:Katherine Fair Donnelly [Donnelly, Katherine Fair]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
ISBN: 9781504012027
Publisher: Open Road Distribution
Published: 2015-05-25T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 11

Differing Attitudes Toward Death and Religion

An enormous service is performed by the clergy in officiating at wakes and funerals of the dead parent. The comfort of ceremonies, the support of the structure of the institution, and the wisdom of the traditional religions are an aid to bereaved sons and daughters, especially those who believe in them. Many agnostics have indicated that they envy those who utilize their faith as a help for coping with grief.

However, as this chapter will reveal, there are many adult children who are so angry they cannot utilize their religious faith. In families where there are more than one surviving child, there can be a division of feeling about God. One bereaved son said, “I feel closer to God because I believe there is an afterworld and I will see my mother again. But my sister is very angry and believes there can’t be a God if He let this happen. People told my sister that our mother had been such a wonderful person and had done so much good helping others that God wanted her. My sister was furious at that.”

One daughter who has a very strong belief in an afterlife is Peggy Griffiths. “I absolutely believe in an afterlife,” she says. “I am convinced that, at the time of death, someone—a loved one who has passed on ahead of you—greets you. I feel strongly about this, and I have no fear of death whatsoever. My parents were very devout Episcopalians. They went to the Church of England School as children. That was the only type of education they received, a parochial education within the Episcopal Church, and religion was ingrained in them. They, in turn, instilled it in us. When we were living in Poughkeepsie, they used to look up at the sky and say, ‘Never have any fear of death because it is the entry to a happy time for everyone.’ Thus I have never had any fear of it.

“I think people who believe in the afterlife have an easier time handling their grief. One thing that helped me enormously after my mother died was that I knew I would see her again and my father, too. Of this, I had no doubt. If I hadn’t felt that way, I don’t know how I would have survived such a traumatic period. You must have faith.”

Mary Stellakis, a Greek Orthodox whose mother died ten years ago, has found salvation and strength in her firm belief in God. Mary has five Te Deums said every year on specific anniversaries of her mother’s life. She also visits her mother’s graveside five times each year. Such trips take Mary from Athens to Kyparissia, Greece, a journey of more than three hundred miles over tortuous, mountainous roads. “When my time comes, I look forward to being placed next to my mother and my brother in that cemetery. I find peace in my religion and in God. I bear my cross of sorrow within my heart and show love to all.

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